Sunday, May 6, 2012

Its not Worth Nothing Anymore

How dare you suffer these several Joys.
After tying me for an eternity to your sorrows.
How dare you smile, after auctioning off mine for your sins.

You the king of stupidity and inaction.
Laziness drapes you lovingly so.
Movement means death,  stagnating in this rotten purgatory with u seems endless.

My worse nightmares you bring Forth like a daemon set out from hell.
Comfort from you comes in the form of burning resentment dipped into self loathing for a good measure.

If this is life and as it should be.
Then Death seems a kinder accomplishment.

Me always looking into your nothingness, guiding it to the shores of achievement.
Burning life ,blood and my very soul.
Its not Worth Nothing Anymore.......

Friday, April 27, 2012

Style Craze 20000 Worth Free Cosmetics Give AWAY :) Amazingly WOW

The give away includes cosmetics worth 20000 WOW check out the Link......    I am entering and so should you Takes absolutely nothing except a few posts.

My fellow blogger Aasheianaa..... sent me this amazing give away. Thanks for sharing and I am glad I can share it with everyone else as well.....Here is wishing all of us the best of luck to Win too bad we cant all win but here's wishing the best for all

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

A Self-centered Sense of Unworthiness

The Title of this post Hit the Nail on the head for me and I had my own Ah ha moment to steal the phrase from Oprah who I like depending on what shes talking about. I read this post from a fellow blogger Underachiever's Guide to being a Domestic Goddess here's the link and shout out to her for writing the blog post

She talks about reading an article written by Glee's (tv show) Jane Lynch which floored her and me as well as I read the extract on her blog and goggled the article later on.
Photo: Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

                                                 The Article is Quoted from :

The actress had spent her life thinking everything was her fault, until a telling encounter forced her to "shine a light" on her issues and take a good look at how she viewed the world.

As a kid, I was convinced that deep down inside, at my core, there was something wrong with me—something fundamentally broken. I constantly apologized, I'd over-thank people, I'd pay more than my share. It was as if I had some kind of deficit and needed to compensate for it.

Then, when I was 14, I started drinking, and I didn't get sober until I was 31. After five years in Alcoholics Anonymous, I met a woman who impressed me. So I asked her to be my sponsor, and she said yes.

That night I walked into a meeting and saw my new sponsor sobbing uncontrollably, with a group of women huddled around her. And my immediate thought was: "What did I do wrong? Did I say something to her? Was I supposed to call her?" And then, "She's upset with me because I'm a bad person." I had only known her for 12 hours! While everyone else was tending to her in her time of need, all I could do was think about what I had done wrong.

Then it struck me: "This has nothing to do with me. Whatever happened was not my fault. I felt a wave of relief, an internal shift that felt like I had just had a chiropractic adjustment. I saw that I had been living with a self-centered sense of unworthiness.

It's significant that I had this epiphany at an AA meeting, because when I took away the booze, all I had left was me. That moment forced me to shine a light on my shadowy areas; it was like turning a huge spotlight on myself. I realized that if I'm obsessing about my own feelings, I'm not present with the people around me—and am frankly of no use to them.

Today, if that instinct to take the blame gets triggered, a mechanism inside me kicks in and asks, "Is this really about you?" It's helped me become a better friend, a better partner, and a more helpful person. It's hard to focus on what someone else needs when you're so focused on what their problem could mean about you! I still have to take a deep breath and collect myself, but I'm no longer so wrapped up in my own feelings that I deprive other people of theirs.

From the June 2010 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine.

Read more:

I myself have always felt like that. I feel the need to provide everything for everyone have everyone I love happy, having everything perfect around me. This has caused me and those around me a lot of stress. As I make it all about everything being perfect and work towards doing that which is not possible .What I loved about the article was, that  it was simple, powerful and seemed to turn the light bulb on in me. I understood and related to it completely. I always wanted to be the perfect daughter to both my parents, the perfect sister, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect student, the perfect everything. This was causing too much pressure on me and all my relationships.
I always take things too personally and try to solve everyone's problems. I took responsibility for everyone and everything around me , that is no way to live. The amount of Guilt I took on Everyday was insurmountable. This Guilt has made me sick, kept me up and made me very very sensitive. In these last few years I have been on my way to drop this baggage that I never forget or forgive myself for. This Article has gone a long way in doing that. Making me understand logically and easily. having an actual phrase that fits the situation perfectly  "A Self-centered Sense of Unworthiness" I do not know the exact reason why this fits so well into me or i fit perfectly into it. But it feels like a good wake up call.  A Wake up call I needed most definitely. People that know me well, know these little idiosyncrasies and those who don't know them in person. Know something about it now :)
Hope this Post helps everyone like it did me. Take care & have a great week.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Skeleton In Her Closet

To the distant speck of life I see , the one who I thought was made for me.
I the skeleton in her closet, her deep dark secret she knows ,but connects not to.
Me the rejected, depraved, unfulfilling unfulfilled,ex lover, hater, stealer.
If only To steal but just a few moments more.
To keep forever frozen with me. 
Just a protection from the nuclear unheaval she bestows on me.
My insides feel torn and pulled apart. 
My life a distant dream. 
Am I alive without her ?
This is not true, is it? she survives without me. 
The very air I breathe turn putrid with hate and contempt.
 Dare I utter the very aching and need I feel. 
My soul a shambles. 
Shattered for everyone to see and mock me.
I am the subject of her ridule. 
Her target. 
No love spews from her heart mind or mouth for me anymore. 
An intence hatered. 
Mocking words I long to hear. 
Just one more meaningless fight for me to cling on to.
Just one more I plead to the heavens.
But no more do I hear her voice, feel her tone caress my body.
Mockingly as it were.
Instead I see her .
Happy, without me.
She thrives blooms suceeds without me. 
My meaningless presence contained her greatness.
I blocked her sunlight, refused her a breath
I was her lead box, her capture.
Without me she lives and loves
I barely survive, thinking of her.
Me the skeleton in her closet ,her deep dark secret and she
Always my distant fantasy.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Moving Day Blues and Miracles :)

Sorry for having been away for a while. Moved to a new place to moving out of the old one, packing moving into the new one has been Hectic. It Basically made me feel crazy moving both home and office together. FYI Never Never do that.
                Glad to have Had a Dream Team with me. The Love of my Life Mr Iyer. His Mom Mrs S. Iyer His Dad Again a Mr. Iyer (who commands a lot of respect and attention but never ever imposes himself )and My loving mother and sister as well. Who rushed last minute got me boxes and did come a little late but all is forgiven. :)
Happy to have left the Bad neighbor downstairs who was giving negative vibes and hassels to all :) so much so People Moved and Left the Society even their Jobs. Cant even imagine what it must be like to live with this Crazy person. If ur new read an old blog post called Bad neighbor and u will get up to speed about the hell she creates for those around her.
                     Had a Few mishaps during the move. Got a Iron nail imbedded  in my Left hand ring finger Yes where the Big engagement Diamond is supposed to go:) its swollen and hurts like a swollen finger apparently (insert bad words here ) didnt want to use bad words but please feel free to use ur imagination :) So right now i'm typing with a Swollen finger Low blood pressure Blurred vision and general weakness but a Heart full of Love and Affection for My Family and The Iyer Family who so kindly adopted me into their fold when me and my Mr Iyer fell in Love :)
                     A little distance from the people things and places we love gives us a unique perspective and a new found Love and Fondness for the people place food thing etc in question. When i was in New york I missed Bombay (mumbai) like Crazy even the food i didn't eat regularly was calling to me :) and now its vice versa for sure :) I had my darling sis get me Burger king Burgers from Bangkok when she went there for her honeymoon that's all me and my Mr Iyer wanted as we were missing it so. A little back story we were studying in School together in New york. But that's not where we met or fell in love :) Being Truthful and honest but not revealing my Secret :) not just yet anyway this calls for another time another post :)
                      The new House has a Peace to it that i really needed and is giving me a sence of calm. For all those that know me see me as a Manic perfectionist so Calm is very much needed in my everyday life. I can be very OCD and Obsessive compulsive when it comes to cleaning and work. :) My sis when we were at our parents place would pretend to sleep when i Started cleaning :) lol those were the good old days when My BP was high .Yelling was a form of communication and throwing things was added entertainment ( my aim was really good a little out of practice now lol )

                 Really need to get back to posting since i missed all u lovely people. Hope its been a Good Time away from me and my rants :) Hope its Great now that I'm back posting and connecting with u. Atleast i hope i am connecting with a few. Let me know ur thoughts ur questions ur life. It would be a fun exchange of lives, ideas, ideal ,hopes, dreams, loves, hates etc. The list is endless. Happy to hear about u so let me know what u think and have been up to.
P.S have to sort out the giveaway do check the previous post for it and hope to find a winner soon

Sunday, February 5, 2012


We’re GLOSSYBOX Beauty, an idea born from a team of beauty lovers who got tired of wasting time and money buying the newest beauty products without the opportunity to try them to understand if they are right for us. GLOSSYBOX Beauty has grown to become the world’s leading premium beauty subscription company. We are present in 14 countries on 6 continents, and we are now COMING TO INDIA! Each month, hundreds of thousands of women around the world eagerly await the delivery of their GLOSSYBOX Beauty to discover amazing new beauty products. We send out a gorgeous box filled with a surprise mix of 5 high-end travel- and full-sized beauty and cosmetic products from world’s top beauty brands. This gives women the chance to experiment with new products in the comfort of their own home.

Here Comes the Wonderful GLOSSBOX & MABH 
Special Giveaway!!!!! 
As Glossybox is launching in India, they have decided to present one of their first GLOSSY BOX of March to one of the lucky reader of Makeup and Beauty home for totally free!!!!!! It is an exciting news, Isn't it? So, to Enter go to the link where all the information was given and u can enter

I have entered as well Wish u all the luck hope u win and I win Too Wink wink All the best people Have a Great Time Entering :)

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Movie Review The Descendants

Another Movie with a Heart and very realistic story, acting and just family life generally. Plain speaking movie with a lot of Heart and Soul. A Descendant of a Hawaii's  Princess George Clooney's Character Matt King is a lawyer that lives within his means and doesn't exploit his Inheritance unlike the rest of his cousins who are broke by squandering away their legacy.
                       His Wife has a boating accident and is in a coma. Her father is especially hard on Clooney's Character blaming him for the accident as he did not spend money to buy his wife a boat which may have prevented the accident.
                      While caring for his estranged wife. There are several layers of relationships we get to see. Matt King with his daughters his friends family and in laws. He is different and real in all his relationships. Pain and trying to make things better for his daughters seem to be the drive that keeps him going.
                        We see the real drama and nothing contrived. All the actors do their roles justice. Definitely worth a watch. I would watch it again. It is a movie that gives you a look in the future if u are detached from ur life and people in it. The What ifs get answered in a very practical way and doesn't complicate issues. It gives you a clear and concise picture of every layer. Very eye opening for the people that just go through life or a long period with being detached. Hope you like it as much as i did. Let me know what u think and how the experience was for You.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Movie Review Midnight in Paris


Loved this movie a Must watch a Very light hearted Thinking movie. Its about a hopeful first time novel writer that loves the 1920's. I myself love that era of surrealists writers and bohemian existence. It tells us about how we as humans are never happy with where we are and always want to go somewhere else. It epitomizes the saying that one mans trash is another mans treasure. The Grass is always greener and so on.....

                 Wouldn't want to give away the plot as that is the magic of the movie. The actors (Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams.) are directed by excellence. Woody Allen movies are a genre and have a following of their own. This movie however would ring true with everyone as its a magical journey of discovery into our own existence of wanting. It gives you pause to think and evaluate in a very positive light. It gives you time to laugh and chuckle at yourself and the characters which you find yourself loving and wanting to know and see more of.
                 Do let me know what you thought about it. What you liked or didn't like. Lets gab about it :)



Sunday, January 22, 2012

AND THE CUP Runnint OVER ......I Got a AWARD and I'm not Afraid to use it.

                               A Wonderful Blogger and a over all good person just awarded me
The Versatile Blogger award.
Thanks Ash Ur a GEM! I follow
her lovely Blog and U Must as well 
I encouraged this lovely lady to get tattoos while I myself have none and this was over 10 yrs back hehe....i still hope to get one real soon :)
This recognition makes me want to work harder and Definitely make my post a regular addition of my day however short rambling or inane they might be about me or us:)  

So there are these rules I must follow
So there are certain rules you have to keep in mind if you receive this award. (with great power comes great responsibility. LOL) It's similar to a YouTube Tag and a lot of fun.
  • You must thank the person who gave you the award, including a shout out with a link on your blog.
  • Share 7 random facts about yourself
  • Send the award on to 15 other bloggers whose blog you like to read, and let them know about it.   
7 Random Facts about ME
  • I am Ambidextrous
  • I Prefer Animals to Most Humans .Most Animals show more compassion and logic.
  • I've been Writing Poems and Designing since i was 7.
  • I Think therefore I Live to Hate Stupid.
  • I pick up languages easily.
  • I am a good cook and Master Baker...pun intended hehe.
  • I love the art of a good conversation sadly its dying.                                  
Will be AWARDING the Cup Forward to 15 bloggers in the NEXT POST

Thank u to all the people that read love and comment on my blog. I really appreciate it. And a Last shout out to my peep Ash...whose link below nominated me.You sweety you.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

New Year New REsolutions Be more Grateful Less resenful and Get 30 mins of Excercise

I am the kind of person that strives towards perfection and this striving drives me crazy. Everything has to be just so. No one and nothing is Good enough. ESPECIALLY ME. Yes things can always be done better but I have to learn to let the little things slide. Coming from a family that was driven crazy for over 25 yrs by an abusive alcoholic makes me think that i need to be right all the time or DIE. It was literally  prove that your right all the time or just roll into a fetal position and wait for the punches. Not sharing this for Sympathy but its just the truth and needs to be told. We cover for our loved ones make excuses apologies for them profusely which is a shame. If someone would have just told it as it is and then maybe the Jekyll and Hyde personality that most PERFECTIONISTS have could be dealt with effectively. For my household it was normal to get beaten up abused and cursed at. NEVER having seen anything else this was my normal. This ofcourse made all the members want not to be there. So me and my darling sis found every excuse in the book to NOT COME home. But we had to be there to protect our mom. Being together for each other no matter what seemed the norm in my house and I do not know what it is to GIVE UP. I was 7 yrs old when i sat down with my mom and told her i think she needs to leave her abusive husband and walk away. My policy was Melancholy till the 5th grade then my mom put me in Drama classes and things changed I opened up to enjoy whatever i could when i was away from the situation.
Now 8 yrs after my father died of multiple organ failure because of his drinking I still find it hard to trust as I never could trust when he was around. I still am an extremist and Fight to cut people down to the bone as i had to do to him to survive his violence. Did have violence and abuse in my life for a long time so its hard to move on from that reaction especially when i lose it. My Temper in my Teens were legendary. Haven't flown into a blind rage since the last 3 yrs and I'm proud of that. But Family members who went through that with me still treat me with kid gloves. My moms a lovely confused lady whose definitely an Enabler. She Definitely doesn't realize it as she can never be wrong about anything. My parents separately were good people both with a GOD complex and huge EGO's they were kids when they got married and never Grew up. Not even To this date.
             Having being told by my DAD in a very deep liquor induced stupor that I was the reason he was drinking at the age of 9. Made me want to be the perfect daughter, student and everything possible.

             Addiction is something that crosses Countries Masses Demographics of all kinds...Its not a problem for the poor middle class or rich. We all have this problem and the victims do their best to cover it up and its hardly talked about. Much like incest or sex abuse.The Victims blame themselves. No one is RESPONSIBLE for someone else s BAD Behavior. They are responsible for their's as you are for yours. Defiantly some people reading thing might thing oh sad what a poor girl. Dont get my wrong I was never a Victim I just survive the cards I was dealt with. Lived on my own terms and still do. Went to New york at the in my early teens to study and work, that was 10 yrs ago. My Dad didnt want me to go and I went anyway. Worked my heart out having 3-4 jobs to support myself. Sometimes not having food to eat. Being poor But I was Happy. Especially since i come from a family my dads side atleast where cousins and cousins make dozens even 1st cousins. And it was these cousins telling me i was the one that GOT away that kept me warm even on the coldest nites. I want to improve and change these learn behaviors of extremes for the wonderful man i have in my life for the last 9 yrs it will be 10 yrs in April 2011 touch wood. Hes been though all my ups downs and craziness as i have with him as well. Would want to improve to deal with adversity better. Want to be able to have small fights and not bring a BAZOOKA to an argument :) as it doesn't make sense. My insecurities are not because of him , these are my Daddy and mummy issues. Like whats new about it. If we are Honest with ourselves which sometimes is the hardest thing to do we all have some issues, something or the other that is our trigger. I just want to improve mine and deal with them as the adult i want and hope to become. Be a role model for my future kids by action and not just do what i say not what i do example. Here's wishing all you people the best to come to face with your demons as I am trying to do with mine. Its honestly not as bad as it seems Keep Positive and Just a comment will let me know that you Understand :) that helps knowing that I'm not a FREAK on my own in this :) PITY u can keep very far away from me and this BLOG of mine. Understanding and fellow victims I WELCOME.

I try to be grateful everyday for everything I have and make sure i don't get too negative or depressed about the past. whats over and done with is over and done with. I don't want to be the 50 yr old still with daddy issues. Power through and get over whatever it is with a lot of help for my friends and loved ones as i'm sure everyone that goes through this will triumph as well. Here's to more grateful, positive energy for the New year. 30 mins of exercise at least 4-5 times a week eating loving and just doing things that make U as in individual happy. As women we try to make everyone like us love us except ourselves I want to love myself this year...And i Hope you will too :) Love Yourselves first and foremost and everyone that loves u will love u more for it........Here;s hoping to SLAY ALL THE DEMONS