Wednesday, April 18, 2012

A Self-centered Sense of Unworthiness

The Title of this post Hit the Nail on the head for me and I had my own Ah ha moment to steal the phrase from Oprah who I like depending on what shes talking about. I read this post from a fellow blogger Underachiever's Guide to being a Domestic Goddess here's the link and shout out to her for writing the blog post http://underachievingdomesticgoddess.blogspot.in

She talks about reading an article written by Glee's (tv show) Jane Lynch which floored her and me as well as I read the extract on her blog and goggled the article later on.  http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Glees-Jane-Lynch-on-When-Its-Not-About-You
Photo: Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

                                                 The Article is Quoted from : http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Glees-Jane-Lynch-on-When-Its-Not-About-You

The actress had spent her life thinking everything was her fault, until a telling encounter forced her to "shine a light" on her issues and take a good look at how she viewed the world.


As a kid, I was convinced that deep down inside, at my core, there was something wrong with me—something fundamentally broken. I constantly apologized, I'd over-thank people, I'd pay more than my share. It was as if I had some kind of deficit and needed to compensate for it.

Then, when I was 14, I started drinking, and I didn't get sober until I was 31. After five years in Alcoholics Anonymous, I met a woman who impressed me. So I asked her to be my sponsor, and she said yes.

That night I walked into a meeting and saw my new sponsor sobbing uncontrollably, with a group of women huddled around her. And my immediate thought was: "What did I do wrong? Did I say something to her? Was I supposed to call her?" And then, "She's upset with me because I'm a bad person." I had only known her for 12 hours! While everyone else was tending to her in her time of need, all I could do was think about what I had done wrong.

Then it struck me: "This has nothing to do with me. Whatever happened was not my fault. I felt a wave of relief, an internal shift that felt like I had just had a chiropractic adjustment. I saw that I had been living with a self-centered sense of unworthiness.

It's significant that I had this epiphany at an AA meeting, because when I took away the booze, all I had left was me. That moment forced me to shine a light on my shadowy areas; it was like turning a huge spotlight on myself. I realized that if I'm obsessing about my own feelings, I'm not present with the people around me—and am frankly of no use to them.

Today, if that instinct to take the blame gets triggered, a mechanism inside me kicks in and asks, "Is this really about you?" It's helped me become a better friend, a better partner, and a more helpful person. It's hard to focus on what someone else needs when you're so focused on what their problem could mean about you! I still have to take a deep breath and collect myself, but I'm no longer so wrapped up in my own feelings that I deprive other people of theirs.

From the June 2010 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Glees-Jane-Lynch-on-When-Its-Not-About-You#ixzz1sRkCXGJk


I myself have always felt like that. I feel the need to provide everything for everyone have everyone I love happy, having everything perfect around me. This has caused me and those around me a lot of stress. As I make it all about everything being perfect and work towards doing that which is not possible .What I loved about the article was, that  it was simple, powerful and seemed to turn the light bulb on in me. I understood and related to it completely. I always wanted to be the perfect daughter to both my parents, the perfect sister, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect student, the perfect everything. This was causing too much pressure on me and all my relationships.
I always take things too personally and try to solve everyone's problems. I took responsibility for everyone and everything around me , that is no way to live. The amount of Guilt I took on Everyday was insurmountable. This Guilt has made me sick, kept me up and made me very very sensitive. In these last few years I have been on my way to drop this baggage that I never forget or forgive myself for. This Article has gone a long way in doing that. Making me understand logically and easily. having an actual phrase that fits the situation perfectly  "A Self-centered Sense of Unworthiness" I do not know the exact reason why this fits so well into me or i fit perfectly into it. But it feels like a good wake up call.  A Wake up call I needed most definitely. People that know me well, know these little idiosyncrasies and those who don't know them in person. Know something about it now :)
Hope this Post helps everyone like it did me. Take care & have a great week.

9 comments:

  1. Almost all of us have this to a greater or lesser degree...thanks for sharing this

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for comment :) im glad u liked this C. Suresh please feel free to critique. I totally agree most people have this to some degree or the other :)

      Delete
  2. wow! this one is a truly amazing post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Harita :) had my doubts while writing it. Really happy u liked it please do comment on older posts as well feel free to Critique

      Delete
  3. ...an amazing post indeed! I liked 'cynically obscure' and 'creatively absurd'
    in your profile...Your new follower:) http://amitaag.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot AmitAag happy to have u here please feel free to comment and Critique makes me learn and write better :) like ur blog as well i'm ur follower :) too :) now

      Delete
  4. Thanks for comment :) im glad u liked this C. Suresh please feel free to critique. I totally agree most people have this to some degree or the other :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Really good article and commentary. I just read The Four Agreements as well as The Voice of Knowledge, and I am halfway done The Fifth Agreement. What she said is a good example of one of the agreements: Don't Take Anything Personally. Thank for you posting a confirming article.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sure happy to :) just put my thoughts down will read the ones u mentioned as well Thanks Tc have a good week

      Delete